SCP-3169 - ScpperDB

SCP-3169
on SCP Foundation
Updated 2021-07-30 04:02

Alternative title: finna nut
Posted: 2017-10-17 21:03
Contributors: bittermixin
Rating: 181 (+213 / -32)
Contributor rating: 51 (+60 / -9)
Adjusted rating: 90 (+102 / -12)
Rank: #2092
Status: Original
Kind: SCP

Translations of this page:

SCP-3169 - le epic troll face on French branch by Saronne Saw at +6
SCP-3169 - 坚果 on Chinese branch by TomJens at +1

Tags: _cc, animal, bones, ectoentropic, food, gamers-against-weed, piscine, safe, scp

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#12

stormbreath

2020-03-13 04:11

Added tags: bones.

#11

TSATPWTCOTTTADC

2020-01-27 14:23

Removed a stray "[[/collapsible]]" near the bottom of the article.

#10

DrBleep

2020-01-24 19:05

bittermixin

2019-06-21 19:06

bittermixin

2019-06-21 19:05

bittermixin

2019-06-21 19:03

Tweaked dialogue for realism.

Crayne

2017-11-20 14:07

Added tags: safe.

Doctor Cimmerian

2017-11-13 21:52

Added tags: _cc. Removed tags: _image.

Accelerando

2017-10-23 02:14

Added tags: _image, animal, ectoentropic, food, gamers-against-weed, piscine, scp.

bittermixin

2017-10-17 21:04

File "nut.jpg" renamed to "nut".

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[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]
[[include component:image-block
    name=nut|
    caption=Three SCP-3169-1 instances.
]]
**Item #:** SCP-3169
**Object Class:** Safe
**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-3169 is to be kept in a small refrigerated unit. Use of SCP-3169-1 instances for research purposes is restricted to personnel of Level-2 security clearance or higher.
**Description:** SCP-3169 designates six sealed foil bags, marked with the words 'Unsalted Pistachios'. Each bag contains 24 unshelled and roasted pistachio nuts, henceforth designated SCP-3169-1. SCP-3169 instances do not list ingredients or nutritional information. 
Upon SCP-3169 being opened, SCP-3169-1 instances will metamorphose into live //Oncorhynchus mykiss//[[footnote]]Rainbow trout.[[/footnote]] and //Cyprinus carpio// [[footnote]]Common carp.[[/footnote]] specimens over the space of two to four seconds, causing the bag to violently rupture. 
Metamorphosed SCP-3169-1 instances are non-anomalous, barring the fins, which are typically four times larger than those of an average member of their species.
**Addendum 3169.01:** Recovery
SCP-3169 was discovered in 'OneSpot', a small, family-run convenience store located in ███, UK, after online recordings indicated that an extranormal event had occurred.  After receiving heavy circulation through various social media websites, Foundation disinformation campaigns were initiated with the intent to pass the footage off as a hoax.
In total, six SCP-3169 instances were recovered from the scene. All eyewitnesses were administered Class-C amnestics.
**Addendum 3169.02:** GoI Connections
Foundation web-crawlers supervising all major social communication platforms for GoI-related activity discovered chat logs indicating the source of the incident to be 17 year-old Lewis Reeves.
Reeves is an active member of GoI '[http://www.scp-wiki.net/gamers-against-weed-hub Gamers Against Weed]', and has engaged in numerous conversations under the online alias 'smoka-cola'.
[[collapsible show="► Show Excerpt 1 / GoI Chat Log" hide="▼ Hide Excerpt 1 / GoI Chat Log"]]
> **smoka-cola:** i've done it
> **smoka-cola:** i've only gone and fucking done it lads
> **papertrail44:** So yeah mint thats pretty much it PM me if u wanna know more
> **MintyDay:** Wait sorry, what's cola done?
> **papertrail44:** My mum
> **papertrail44:** Wait shit
> **papertrail44:** What have you done smoka-cola.
> **hjcrooke:** lol i didnt even realize smoka was in this chat
> **smoka-cola:** you know how like a week ago we were
> **papertrail44:** Wait are you talking about the fish
> **MintyDay:** Dude did it take you a week to make some fucking nut fish.
> **smoka-cola:** talking about finna nut
> **smoka-cola:** yeah
> **smoka-cola:** yeah i made like 8 bags.
> **smoka-cola:** its not like i sat around jerking off a magic tome for a week straight it just took a while to get it right
> **papertrail44:** Weak sauce dude
> **hjcrooke:** it's not even that funny
> **hjcrooke:** like i could whip up like a
> **hjcrooke:** uhh a fucking 
> **~ FunkoPopFan1 has joined the channel.**
> **FunkoPopFan1 waves.**
> **hjcrooke:** marker that turns into markiplier
> **smoka-cola:** nice
> **hjcrooke:** in like a day tops.
> **papertrail44:** ur shit kid
> **papertrail44:** Nah but in all seriousnes it's not like you drew a dick on the taj Mahal
> **papertrail44:** *seriousness
> **papertrail44:** Stop getting hard over some magic bean fish yeah?
> **~ smoka-cola has left the channel.**
> **MintyDay:** LMAOO.
> **MintyDay:** F
> **papertrail44:** f to pay respects
> **hjcrooke:** f
> **FunkoPopFan1:** ffff
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="► Show Excerpt 2 / GoI Chat Log" hide="▼ Hide Excerpt 2 / GoI Chat Log"]]
> **smoka-cola:** is crooke afk or
> **MintyDay:** Yeah probably fag break.
> **MintyDay:** Hey sorry for being kind of shitty last time you joined.
> **MintyDay:** You're new or whatever so it's cool if you don't really get how we work but like you need to start taking stuff less seriously if you want to stay.
> **smoka-cola:** yeah
> **MintyDay:** and ESPECIALLY if you want crooke and trail to not fucking rinse you every opportunity they get lol.
> **smoka-cola:** yeah
> **smoka-cola:** sorry for bein a lil bitch about it
> **MintyDay:** Is only gaem why you heff to be mad
> **MintyDay:** Water off a duck's back dude
> **MintyDay:** I mean under a bridge maybe.
> **MintyDay:** Fuck it either way you're still cool in my books you just need to do more like funny shit and not so much little edgy rebellions against your parents or whatever that was.
> **smoka-cola nods.**
> **papertrail44:** Hello boys and girls whats this all about
> **papertrail44:** having a sneaky bike shed convo without me eh
> **MintyDay:** Like what was that even about?
> **smoka-cola:** o shit
> **smoka-cola:** it wasnt so much a rebellion as it was a general 'fuck you'
> **MintyDay:** Did he take your playstation.
> **smoka-cola:** he got up my ass about me being on my laptop all the time
> **smoka-cola:** said he'd cut off the internet
> **smoka-cola:** which at this point in my life is p much the equivalent of locking me in a cell lmao
> **MintyDay:** That's the saddest shit I've ever heard
> **smoka-cola:** so fuck em
> **papertrail44:** Yeah that worked real well.
> **papertrail44:** 'fuck u dad, here's a bunch of garnered media attention towards your failing business. Hope that one stings.'
> **smoka-cola:** yeah i get it
> **papertrail44:** Well you can't expect everyone to be a greek god like me i guess.
> **hjcrooke:** for the record i was not on a fag break 
> **papertrail44:** Beach body ready.
> **hjcrooke:** was booking the week off
> **smoka-cola:** for?
> **hjcrooke:** new project: walnut mice
> **hjcrooke:** thinking of pranking my dad by filling them with money aswell
> **~ bones has joined the channel.**
> **bones:** Knock it off, Crooke. That's an official warning.
> **smoka-cola:** fuck off lol
> **MintyDay:** Leave the poor kid alone jesus shit.
> **MintyDay:** We're all here because we're fucking losers lmao
> **MintyDay:** If you push yourself away from us you've basically fucking A S C E N D E D unpopularity
> **papertrail44:** Extremely homosexual.
> **MintyDay:** you gain untapped virgine powers beyond your wildest dreams.
> **hjcrooke:** we all know smoka is a fucking shagalad
> **hjcrooke:** gonna need a pair of wellies mate you're drownin in it
> **smoka-cola:** gtg
> **~ smoka-cola has left the channel.**
> **hjcrooke:** omfg
> **hjcrooke:** is this kid even real
> **papertrail44:** Hacked by reddit.
> **MintyDay:** Fucking hell give him a break.
> **hjcrooke:** coaxed into a deadly snafu
> **hjcrooke:** fuck off to daddy's fish and chip shop mate
> **hjcrooke:** no sweat off my back
> **~ hjcrooke was kicked. (Vehemence)**
> **MintyDay:** Thank you bones.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="► Show Excerpt 3 / GoI Private Messages" hide="▼ Hide Excerpt 3 / GoI Private Messages"]]
> **smoka-cola:** hey i saw the logs from yesterday
> **MintyDay:** Oh?
> **smoka-cola:** yeah
> **smoka-cola:** sorry this feels really weird to type but thanks for sticking up for me
> **smoka-cola:** i guess i'm not used to getting so much confrontation irl
> **MintyDay:** Why's that?
> **smoka-cola:** because it's ten times easier to run
> **smoka-cola:** rather than trying to hold a cogent argument with the fucking kingpin of the chat room you know i just dont want to fight that fight
> **MintyDay:** Omfg is that what you really think of crooke?
> **MintyDay:** """Kingpin""" emphasis on the pin holy shit.
> **MintyDay:** Crooke is a classic troll he just feeds off people's reactions.
> **MintyDay:** He's a cunt
> **MintyDay:** But we love him
> **MintyDay:** Because we know how to defuse him and get away from the gross fleshy fucking gargoyle exterior yeah?
> **MintyDay:** If you just mellow out and let him burn out
> **MintyDay:** I promise you things will get better
> **MintyDay:** YOu still there dude?
> **smoka-cola:** yeah
> **smoka-cola:** thank you
> **smoka-cola:** idk that means a lot more than you probably realise
> **MintyDay:** Shit man that's
> **MintyDay:** That's just
> **MintyDay:** E X T R E M E L Y   F U C K I N G   G A Y
> **smoka-cola:** lmao okay give me at least like a day to thicken my skin
> **MintyDay:** Gotcha
> **MintyDay:** Uhh
> **MintyDay:** Hey how's the fish thing going.
> **smoka-cola:** uhh it's going
> **smoka-cola:** i mean like i was thinking maybe i could put more 
> **smoka-cola:** nuts in the bag
> **smoka-cola:** thus creating more fish
> **MintyDay:** You have no idea do you.
> **MintyDay:** This is just a vague grab from the back of your intimidated mind.
> **smoka-cola:** you put it so bleakly 
> **smoka-cola:** but yeah essentially.
> **MintyDay:** I'm the last person you need to impress smoka. I get your thing and I want to help you with it, so like, no judgement here.
> **smoka-cola:** right sorry
> **MintyDay:** That said: drop the fish nut thing. It's not going to work. I would bend over backwards and bow at your fucking feet if you could pull of a fish stunt and make one of the other guys laugh.
> **smoka-cola:** it was more a finna nut thing.
> **smoka-cola:** but ok thank you 
> **MintyDay:** Yw dude
> **MintyDay:** Anytime.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="► Show Excerpt 4 / GoI Chat Log" hide="▼ Hide Excerpt 4 / GoI Chat Log"]]
> **hjcrooke:** awight dickheads
> **hjcrooke:** what's poppin
> **papertrail44:** Jimbo?
> **MintyDay:** Hey crooke.
> **~ smoka-cola has joined the channel.**
> **MintyDay:** Hey smoka.
> **MintyDay:** Gang's all here.
> **papertrail44:** Lads on fucking tour
> **smoka-cola:** wooooo
> **papertrail44:** Let's go on a bevvy.
> **MintyDay:** A what.
> **hjcrooke:** bevvy boyyyys
> **hjcrooke:** hey is cola even old enough to drink
> **smoka-cola:** i'm 17, 18 in december
> **hjcrooke:** alright pal didn't need your life story a 'no' would have sufficed
> **hjcrooke:** its aight though you can just sit at the back with all the snacks 
> **MintyDay:** Crooke. Cut it out.
> **hjcrooke:** like the crisps
> **hjcrooke:** and the nuts.
> **~ bones has joined the channel.**
> **smoka-cola:** you know what
> **smoka-cola:** that wasn't actually very funny
> **smoka-cola:** and you're quite a pathetic person.
> **bones:** Huh. 
> **papertrail44:** Ohhh shit lmaoo
> **papertrail44:** He's only gone and done you in
> **MintyDay:** That fucking shut him up didn't it.
> **papertrail44:** f
> **smoka-cola:** f
> **MintyDay:** F
> **smoka-cola:** i don't wanna fight this fight
> **hjcrooke:** omfg you don't get it do you
> **hjcrooke:** this isn't a fight
> **hjcrooke:** we were never fighting
> **hjcrooke:** i was making jokes
> **hjcrooke:** i thought i could break you into it
> **hjcrooke:** shit i thought minty would at least have given you a private heads up
> **hjcrooke:** but instead you run away or make a fucking song and dance about it
> **bones:** Crooke.
> **hjcrooke:** let me finish
> **hjcrooke:** this isn't a fucking hierarchy
> **hjcrooke:** you don't survive by pulling  some other self-inflated prick down 
> **hjcrooke:** you have a skin made of fucking stone and you never drop it
> **hjcrooke:** we rinse each other and call each other cunts and make jokes about fucking each other's mum
> **hjcrooke:** because compliments are depressing
> **hjcrooke:** compliments are what you give people you feel sorry for
> **hjcrooke:** that's my philosophy
> **hjcrooke:** and if yours is to bitch and moan until someone fills that vast gaping need for validation  you've got bottled up inside of you
> **hjcrooke:** then i don't want to be a part of this.
> **~ hjcrooke was banned. (no reason given)**
> **bones:** I think he made himself perfectly clear.
> **MintyDay:** He just needs a break bones.
> **MintyDay:** Some time to think.
> **bones:** I made it a monthlong.
> **MintyDay:** Cola, are you alright?
> **MintyDay:** Cola?
> **~ smoka-cola has left the channel.**
> **~ papertrail44 has left the channel.**
> **MintyDay:** Fuck.
> **~ MintyDay has left the channel.**
[[/collapsible]]
[[# A1]]**Addendum 3169.03:** Incident 3169/01
The corpse of Lewis Reeves was discovered on 8/24/2017 after police reports suggested the presence of anomalous activity. The epidermis of Reeves' chest and lower back had been hardened, with tissue sampling suggesting equivalent strength to that of concrete.
Autopsy revealed the cause of death to be large deposits of sand and various other minerals forming within Reeve's vital organs. A search warrant on Reeves' home has been submitted in hopes of potentially recovering  and containing anomalous objects.
[[collapsible show="► Show Excerpt 5 / GoI Private Messages" hide="▼ Hide Excerpt 5 / GoI Private Messages"]]
> **bones:** My answer is no.
> **MintyDay:** Please bones. A yearlong at least.
> **bones:** You've already agreed to the monthlong. I'm not extending the ban any further.
> **MintyDay:** I agreed on the monthlong before he fucking killed one of us.
> **MintyDay:** He's volatile. He doesn't belong here.
> **bones:** Compose yourself. Crooke is many things, but he's not a murderer, and he's not volatile. We know exactly what he's about and we know exactly why he's about it.
> **bones:** Cola was volatile. He let his emotions get the best of him and that doesn't mesh well with reality bending. He overreacted. He pushed his own limits.
> **bones:** Accidents happen.
> **MintyDay:** So what? Even then, he kills himself and doesn't deserve our pity?
> **bones:** Of course he deserves our pity. But he doesn't deserve petty revenge. Especially not petty revenge that he didn't ask for.
> **bones:** Ban is firm.
> **MintyDay:** What do we do now?
> **bones:** Move on.
> **bones:** As per usual.
[[/collapsible]]
[[footnoteblock]]
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[[=]]
<< [[[SCP-3168]]] | SCP-3169 | [[[SCP-3170]]] >>
[[/=]]
[[/div]]

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