SCP-4306 - ScpperDB

SCP-4306
on SCP Foundation
Updated 2021-07-31 03:56

Alternative title: Stan the Janitor
Posted: 2019-09-12 06:00
Contributors: Reverend Fox
Rating: 34 (+39 / -5)
Contributor rating: 14 (+15 / -1)
Adjusted rating: 25 (+28 / -3)
Rank: #8933
Status: Original
Kind: SCP

Tags: _cc, euclid, future, humanoid, sapient, scp, sentient, teleportation, temporal

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Sirslash47

2021-03-29 15:39

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DrBleep

2020-03-15 19:34

Elenee FishTruck

2019-09-22 15:34

Added tags: _cc. Removed tags: _image.

aismallard

2019-09-15 04:08

Added tags: _image, euclid, future, humanoid, sapient, scp, sentient, teleportation, temporal.

Reverend Fox

2019-09-13 03:06

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Reverend Fox

2019-09-13 03:05

Reverend Fox

2019-09-12 16:15

Minor change in footnote 2's location.

Reverend Fox

2019-09-12 06:00

Uploaded file "UAI_Scan.jpg".

Reverend Fox

2019-09-12 06:00

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[[>]]
[[module rate]]
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**Item #:** SCP-4306
**Object Class:** Euclid
**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-4306 is to remain employed at Site-47 for as long as it remains cooperative. SCP-4306's living area is to be a sparsely furnished room built adjacent to MSC-23[[footnote]]Maintenance Supply Closet 23 is located near the first floor personnel break room at Site-47.[[/footnote]].
SCP-4306 is to wear a remote-activated electrified collar at all times. RFID sensors have been placed at all entrance and exit checkpoints at Site-47. In case of systems failure, the on-shift security supervisor will have a battery-operated remote activator on their person at all times.
SCP-4306-1 through SCP-4306-4 are to be contained in a standard secure containment locker which has been installed in MSC-23. SCP-4306 is allowed unrestricted access to these items for custodial duties.
**Description:** SCP-4306 is a twenty-nine year old human male, 178cm tall and 95.3kg in weight with black hair, green eyes, and tan skin. SCP-4306's skin[[footnote]]With exception to its head, hands, and feet.[[/footnote]] is decorated with tattoos and scars frequently associated with membership in the motorcycle gang known as the '//Vagos Motorcycle Club//[[footnote]]The //Vagos// is a highly volatile 'one-percenter' motorcycle club whose primary area of influence is the American Midwest, specifically Southern California, Nevada, and Arizona.[[/footnote]]'. Of note, there is a large tattoo on its back which depicts the Norse deity Loki seated atop a custom Harley-Davidson motorcycle.
SCP-4306-1 through SCP-4306-4[[footnote]]These items were purchased at a local office supply store.[[/footnote]] are as follows:
||~ Item Designation||~ Item Description||
||SCP-4306-1||An //American Market// cotton string mop with wooden handle and stainless steel frame.||
||SCP-4306-2||A //Grainger Industries// plastic mop bucket and wringer. The bucket's liquid capacity is 33.122 liters. The original yellow surface has been painted over with lines and circular geometric patterns of various colors.||
||SCP-4306-3||A //Quickie// multi-surface fiberglass push broom.||
||SCP-4306-4||An //ULine// broom and dust pan combination. Similar to SCP-4306-2, SCP-4306-4's dust pan is also painted with lines and geometric patterns of various colors.||
SCP-4306's duties include and are limited to custodial work, incident cleanup, and hazardous testing cleanup.
**Properties:** SCP-4306's anomalous properties manifest in three facets, hereforth called 'events':
||~ Event Designation||~ Event Trigger||~ Description of Anomaly||
||= STJ-01||SCP-4306 uses SCP-4306-1 and SCP-4306-2 within parameters of normal use.||Minor teleportation effect observed. Area where STJ-01 occurs becomes instantaneously clean and sanitary upon trigger. (See Observation Log SCP-4306-STJ-A)||
||= STJ-02||SCP-4306 uses SCP-4306-3 within parameters of normal use.||Minor teleportation effect observed. Any and all dirt, pieces of bone, tile chips, or other small to medium particulate matter on the floor of an area are teleported into well-organized piles. (See Observation Log SCP-4306-STJ-B)||
||= STJ-03||SCP-4306 uses SCP-4306-4 within parameters of normal use.||Minor teleportation effect observed. Any and all small to medium dirt, paper, or other such refuse are teleported into the dust pan of SCP-4306-4. (See Observation Log SCP-4306-STJ-C)||
**//Note://** Testing has revealed that the anomalous properties of SCP-4306 do not manifest when it utilizes non-anomalous custodial implements. Similarly, SCP-4306-1 through SCP-4306-4 do not manifest any anomalous properties when handled by other personnel.
**Addendum -- Acquisition File -- 4306-STJ, dated 08 March 2012:**
//UAI Report//[[footnote]]Unexpected Anomalous Incident Report.[[/footnote]]: Assistant Researcher K. Philips -- Submitted to Lead Researcher J. Whitt on 2012/03/02. An scanned excerpt follows:
[[include :scp-wiki:component:image-features-source |hover-enlarge=--]
|enlarge-amount=6
|speed=250
|float=true
|align=center
|width=400px
|url=UAI_Scan.jpg
|add-caption=true
|caption=Scanned copy of UAI Report 195-12-614. Mouse over to enlarge.
]]
@@ @@
[[collapsible show="+ Typed Copy" hide="- Typed Copy" hideLocation="both"]]
> //__Personnel involved__//: Researcher K. Philips, D-45417, D-46751.
> 
> //__Time/Date of Incident__//: 2012/03/02 at --1057--* 1054
> 
> At --1057--* 1054, I was supervising the cleanup of Testing Lab 46B. When D-45417 took the mop out, dunked it in the cleaning solution, and touched it to the floor, everything was --cleaned-- instantly sanitized. At the same time, D-46751 was instantaneously shifted five centimeters to her left, I was shifted a little above the floor, and other items around the room (such as the instruments rack and whatnot) were also shifted around within one centimeter of their original positioning.
> 
> It is possible that D-45417 may have spatial anomalous properties. We need to perform some tests.
> 
> @@*@@ Sorry, I just realized my watch is off by three minutes!
[!--
[[=]]
[[size 75%]]//**Author's Note**//: I will likely replace the UAI Report with an actual scanned document. If you think this is unnecessary, let me know.[[/size]]
[[/=]]
--]
[[/collapsible]]
SCP Classification Request: Lead Researcher J. Whitt -- Submitted to Site Director at 0143 on 2012/03/04. An excerpt follows:
> As you can see from the attached video documentation, the subject, D-45417, was able to reproduce this effect across multiple tests and with various cleaning implements. During each of the tests involving the subject using the mop and bucket, the floor, walls, and ceiling of the test chamber are cleaned instantaneously, and various other subjects, items, and researchers are moved via instantaneous shifting to varying distances.
> 
> Subject has also shown marked psychological changes. Included with this report are D-45417's psychological profile and behavior reports. Compare those to the behavior reports included after the UAI Report was filed by Assistant Researcher Philips and observe the rapid decrease in hostility and an equally rapid increase in compliance and docility.
**Addendum -- Observation Logs:**
> //Observation Log -- SCP-4306-STJ-A://
> 
> SCP-4306 is instructed to use SCP-4306-1 and SCP-4306-2 on the floor of a standard testing chamber located in the west wing of Site-47. SCP-4306-2 is filled with 33 liters of a solution of 10% Pine-Sol cleaner and 90% distilled water. Upon contact with the floor, the room became clean and the water in SCP-4306-2 became cloudy. Analysis reveals the cloudiness in the water is a result of the dirt and other contaminants from the floor, walls, and ceiling. Of note, the desk, chair, book case, and filing cabinet were instantaneously shifted by varying distances not exceeding 4cm.
> //Observation Log -- SCP-4306-STJ-B://
> 
> SCP-4306 is instructed to use SCP-4306-3 on the floor of the hallway outside of personnel break room on first floor of Site-47. Upon contact with the floor, all dirt and other loose debris from the morning's retirement party for Dr. Willitz appeared in three neat piles. The blood stains on the floor were not cleaned but instead were smudged by what appeared to be the bristles of SCP-4306-3. SCP-4306 was then instructed to use SCP-4306-1 and SCP-4306-2 to finish cleaning the floor. Result is similar to those noted in prior log.
> 
> **//Note://** Residual materials recovered from SCP-4306-3's bristles matched the composition of the debris recovered from the three piles.
> //Observation Log -- SCP-4306-STJ-C://
> 
> SCP-4306 is instructed to use SCP-4306-4 on the floor in the former office of the retired Dr. Willitz. Upon contact of SCP-4306-4's broom with the floor, all dirt and loose debris on the floor appeared in SCP-4306-4's dust bin. All items in Dr. Willitz's office were moved to varying distances not exceeding 1cm.
> 
> **//Note://** Upon inspection of the office after the experiment, it was revealed that the analogue desk clock on Dr. Willitz's desk[[footnote]]This clock was given to Dr. Willitz in 1986 by his supervisor. Etched onto the face of the clock is, "No excuses. Do not be late again." Similarly etched on the backside of the clock is, "This clock is never wrong. It has a small nuclear cell battery, and the inner workings are encased in tungsten to prevent you from changing the time."[[/footnote]] had been set forward by five minutes and forty-seven seconds during the experiment. As nobody had interacted with the clock, researchers summoned the on-site forensics team to investigate. Latent fingerprints were lifted from the clock which confirmed that SCP-4306 had held the clock in his right hand for an extended period of time despite not having moved during Event SCP-4306-STJ-C. Further dusting for fingerprints revealed that SCP-4306 had also moved Dr. Willitz's desk, chair, and filing cabinet.
**Addendum -- Interview Log Excerpt, dated 2012/06/23:**
> //Interviewer:// Assistant Researcher K. Philips [KP]
> //Interviewee:// SCP-4306
> //Location:// Assistant Researcher K. Philips' office
> -----
> **KP:** So, SCP-4306. Can you tell me your name?
> 
> **SCP-4306:** Uh... Stan the Janitor.
> 
> **KP:** But your personnel file states that your name is Robert J. Turner.
> 
> **SCP-4306:** I... don't think so. My name is Stan the Janitor.
> 
> **KP:** Alright, then. Can you tell me what happens when you use the mop and bucket?
> 
> **SCP-4306:** Yeah! I go into a zen place and just clean. Everything is still and quiet except for //sometimes// I hear wind chimes, but I can't ever find them. I don't mind them, though. The sound makes everything feel... peaceful.
> 
> **KP:** Can you describe this feeling of zen?
> 
> @@[@@//SCP-4306 does not respond and remains silent for fifteen seconds.//@@]@@
> 
> **KP:** Stan, I asked--
> 
> **SCP-4306:** @@[@@//Interrupting KP//@@]@@ Your floor looks a bit dusty. Would you like me to mop today?
> 
> **KP:** Uh, yeah. Sure! You mentioned before that you experienced a feeling of zen while cleaning. Can you elaborate, please?
> 
> **SCP-4306:** It's like the feeling of a wet mop slapping against a perfectly clean floor. You know it's clean, but you do it anyway because if you don't, it'll get dirty again.
> 
> **KP:** But the floor will get dirty anyway when someone walks across it, so isn't this just a fool's errand?
> 
> **SCP-4306:** To you and those like you, yes. That's okay, though, because I have my entire life to clean that floor.
> 
> **KP:** That's a strange metaphor, Stan. Can you tell me what it means?
> 
> @@[@@//SCP-4306 does not respond and remains silent for fifteen seconds.//@@]@@
> 
> **KP:** Sta--
> 
> **SCP-4306:** @@[@@//Interrupting KP//@@]@@ Your bookshelves are dusty, too. Would you like me to dust today?
> 
> **KP:** S... sure. One more question. What do you do when people are standing in the way while you mop, or when there's furniture?
> 
> **SCP-4306:** @@[@@//SCP-4306 shrugs.//@@]@@ I just move them out of the way.
> 
> **KP:** I... I'm sorry, what? What do you mean you "move them"?
> 
> **SCP-4306:** Exactly that. If someone's in my way, I politely ask them to move, but they don't hear me. So I gently pick them up and move them to the side, but I always try to put them back.
> 
> **KP:** Sorry, but I'm still not understanding this. Can you explain how you mo--
> 
> **SCP-4306:** @@[@@//Interrupting KP//@@]@@ That's a really nice watch.
> 
> **KP:** Oh! Well, uh... thanks! It's been fast by about three minutes since March, and I have no idea how to fix it.
> 
> **SCP-4306:** Maybe you can ask your watch the same question because it'll give you the same answer I would.
> 
> **KP:** I... //what//? You're being overly cryptic today. @@[@@//KP sighs and looks at his watch//@@]@@ Oh! It's three o'clock! That's all the time we had for today. If you need anyth--
> 
> **SCP-4306:** @@[@@//Interrupting KP//@@]@@ I understand, thank you. I will be back in two hours to clean your office.
> 
> @@[@@//SCP-4306 stands from the chair and leaves the room.//@@]@@
[[footnoteblock]]
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